Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
