??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
