We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize