sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize