shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your penis caused this!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
