If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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