Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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