You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
