I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
