i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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