The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize