No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
