i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize