I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
