I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
