I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
