sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
