You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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