So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize