Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
