FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
