if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
