Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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