oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
