Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
