There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize