i think my mom watched the whole time
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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