i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
