So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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