i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
