Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
