Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
