if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she looked like the before picture.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize