why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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