so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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