Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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