getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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