i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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