His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
