I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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