She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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