I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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