You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
