i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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