i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize