then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
