I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
