I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
