dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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