A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize