OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
