Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
