We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
