Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
