My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
