so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
