When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
