OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i love accidental penises.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
