your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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