i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize