If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
