I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
