Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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