the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
