Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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