xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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