My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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