You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
