IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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