Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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