I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
