oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
