so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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