: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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