im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
