Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
