WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
