good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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