Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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