he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
