That's intense
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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