Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
