On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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