FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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