When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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