I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
