My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
