i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
