She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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