We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I died a long time ago.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
