She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
