she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
