Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
