who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
