I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
