I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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