Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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