last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
