I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
