if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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