a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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