remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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