Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
