Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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