She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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