you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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